March 14, 2017
In Pebane, the “tempo de chuva comenzou” – “the rainy season has begun”. Admittedly, there is probably no correlation, but I choose to find meaning that it aligned so perfectly with my 6-month anniversary of being in Mozambique. (I’ll give you that I’m writing this 6-month reflection 2 weeks late because I feel this pressure to have figured out a lot more about my life.) If you asked any of my friends back home, you would find out that a large reason I chose to volunteer for 2 years was for the almost guaranteed “path to self-enlightenment” that “the Peace Corps Experience” promises. But, having this as a goal has definitely added some pressure to my expectations of this blog.
While writing this reflection, I struggled with what I wanted to convey to you, my home front. My support system. The scintillating faces I look forward to returning to. I understand that my blog isn’t a big time blog, nor am I the next great writer to be discovered. So my target audience is the people back at home that wish to get glimpses into my life, specifically, or, more generally, the life of a Peace Corps Volunteer. And to be honest, that is a lot of pressure for me. I want to highlight the brightest parts of the culture as well as the personal growth I am experiencing in an candid way without inflating or devaluing the experience. I want my blog to pique your literary curiosities, but remain in my laid back voice so it feels like I’m talking to you like any other conversation. You see I’m intimidated because we have some rock star bloggers in Mozambique and especially in my cohort. Sam Moser can describe the most mundane experience as if he were Tolkien writing the fourth undiscovered novel of the Lord of the Rings. Major props to him, cus’ homedog can write! Peter Berquist effortlessly highlights the humor in the most trivial things. I always feel more optimistic after reading his blog posts and I dare you (no I double dog dare you) not to laugh while reading his prose. Go ahead. Try… Paige and Ashley have got identifying, disseminating, and eliciting the emotions that are connected with this experience down to a science.
When compared to these giants (a long with a whole lot more not mentioned), I tussle with myself to find the right words to describe my experience in a way that is relatable and unique to me. Here it goes…
(Side note: I came up with this intro line that I decided not to use because it was really cheesy but I think it demonstrates the feeling of my internal pressure of blogging, which is the only reason why I am including it: “You see, I too, wish to inspire with witty quip or provoking satire, but, often, my obstinate grasp of syntax and my lack of lexicon abandon me with a less than grandiose voice… and that’s all I have, and that’s gonna’ have to do.”)
As I was saying, the “Tempo de chuva comenzou”. It’s clouds have shrouded the sweltering southern-Alabama summer sun which “graciously” found a way to follow me here to Mozambique. Our beach-sand, dirt roads have started soaking up the water. My chacos have started flinging up this wet, beach-sand, dirt-road, dirt so that my calves and the bottom of my gym shorts are always hidden underneath a layer of the Pebane Earth.
I’m settling in. The days have started to become routine. The, once overwhelming, 27-month journey has dwindled down to a much more comfortable 21 months. I’m starting to envision myself planning and executing some new projects for my community. With that in mind, 21 months sometimes seems insufficient. In the grand scheme of community sustainability of projects, only a year and a half is a bit daunting.
The once labor-intensive task of carrying water from the well to my house has become a menial part of my morning schedule. The mental fatigue of carrying out all of my interactions in Portuguese has greatly diminished. I feel confident to talk to strangers. I also feel confident to, temporarily, bypass the people who will only badger me. “Acunha” (white person, foreigner) is a title I have grown to embrace (most of the time), when once I saw it only as a barrier.
If I’m being honest, I still got a ways to go on integration. I thought each day was going to bring with it the “opportunity for new horizons”… I know right… I was over-idealizing this experience a bit… how basic of me… Essentially, I was expecting this experience to be like going to an amusement park. If you’re like me, when you think about going to an amusement park (or better yet Disney World), you only envision yourself on rollercoasters the whole time. You completely leave out the time spent waiting in line, walking from attraction to attraction, or laying on a park bench after a ride because you forgot to take your Dramamine. This was a mistake that I made when thinking about joining the Peace Corps. In Peace Corps, there is a lot of time spent waiting in line or walking from attraction to attraction or being sick from whatever disease you catch here. That’s not to say that some of my favorite memories at Disney World weren’t the conversations with my friends on the way to the next thing, likewise my time in the Peace Corps isn’t just the roller coasters. I’m learning it’s the whole amusement park.
If I’m being honest, a lot of the novelty of the 5 year old children taking care of their 2 year old brothers and sisters or of the women, with absolutely perfect posture, carrying an entire dining set (complete with a table and 4 chairs) pristinely balanced on their heads has worn off. I walk right past it now without a second glance. I think this was really what I wanted all along (though there is absolutely no way you could have convinced me I would have become this routine half a year ago).
I ‘m learning that just being here is often more important than anything you can say (or cant say) in the new language. I’m learning that, often, you have to seek out your own opportunities. I made the mistake that these chances would just hit me in my face because I was new here. Instead, I’ve been challenging myself daily to do things outside of my comfort zone in order to break my routine.
I’m learning to appreciate the solidarity of a solo beach day with my kindle as my lone companion. (I already appreciate being in the company of many people or new people. That has only been reinforced here.) I’m also learning to appreciate the friends where distance isn’t a factor. As time passes, I am having some trouble connecting as effortlessly with some people back home. Life changes. That’s not a bad thing, but it is a thing to consider and to adapt to.
In conclusion, I still get homesick sometimes. I still mess up on the regular in Portuguese. Some days, I’m not as vulnerable as I would like to be with my roommate, my friends and family back home, or with the people of Pebane. Sometimes, I don’t challenge myself and I take the easy way out. But, I am learning to be much more kind to myself; that it’s okay to not tackle all of these problems in the same day. In short, I’m still growing. But, I have already gained a lot while being here. I’ve learned to cook (even if only super basically). I love the people here and I’m happy to continue my growth with them. I feel fulfilled and that I can make a difference (even if it is only small) here. Most importantly, I am still excited about what lies ahead.
P.S. Here are the links to the referenced blogs above:
https://lettersfrommozambique.wordpress.com/author/lettersfrommozambique/
https://peterbergquistblog.wordpress.com
https://paigesferrazza.wordpress.com
MOZ likely to sunburn 