525,000 Moments in Moz

September 1, 2017

“525,600 minutes, 525,000 Moments in Moz.

525,600 minutes; how do you measure, measure a PC year?

In xima? In Chapas? In fishbowl? In bucket showers? … …. … …

How about LO-OH-UH-AH-OVVVEEEE!?”

…But I digress….

I opened with this particularly cliché Rent song because it hits home right now. I am desperately trying to find a way to quantify, to conceptualize my time here. I figured a prose stream of thought would hopefully help with this task. Here goes nothing.

Here’s to one year. Here’s to a year of learning to live with new people. Of watching way too many TV series. A year of breaking down in chapas in the Mozambican matu. Of rolling the windows down and watching the countryside speed past you. A year of profusely sweating at the front of the classroom. Of trying to teach some “life” lessons too. A year of releasing all hope of control to something greater. Of trusting, somehow, it will all work out. A year of traded smiles and awkward handshakes. Of newfound friendships. A year of forging patience, understanding, and appreciation. Of allowing myself to fail. (and sometimes fail terribly…) A year of vicarious phone calls to the U.S. Of original adventures in fresh places. A year of embracing strengths. Of acknowledging weaknesses. A year where 2 words in the local language constitutes fluency, but a single grammatical error renders an entire soliloquy in Portuguese incomprehensible. A year of taking the long way there. Of ushering in the unexpected. A year of accepting help. Of practicing humility. Here’s to a year, one year.

In case you haven’t noticed yet, it’s been a year now since I have arrived in Mozambique. Even while looking at a calendar with the days crossed out, it’s still hard to believe. The weight of the milestone hits me sometimes when someone new to me asks, “How long have you been here?” Ultimately, I’m coming to terms with the fact that nothing I write here will entirely capture or articulate all of the experiences thus far. Which, honestly, is so frustrating. It sometimes makes me feel as if I’ll have another barrier to overcome when it comes time to reconnect with U.S. life.

I feel like in my first six months, I was growing exponentially; that pace was impossible for me to keep up for the 2 full years. That being said, I feel like I have less to report in terms of changes I’ve noticed within myself than I did in my 6-month reflection. Honestly, that scared me pretty bad. I worried that I was becoming stagnant, complacent.* But, after some further review, I choose for this to mean that I’ve adjusted/ am adjusting well to my environment. Just reaching this 1-year milestone is what makes me feel good right now. I’ve survived, grown, and done my job to the best of my ability for a year now. That, alone, makes me proud of my time here. I’m at a happy place in life. I’m excited to continue working with my community, and I eagerly await the future of my service here.

Thus concludes the overall summary of my 1 year reflection. If you’re in John’s personal fan club (i.e. mother of the blogger), continue reading for a 1 year question and answer.

*I mentioned being anxious about becoming stagnant. My apprehensions of what to include in this blog post is what prompted me to ask several close friends for help. I asked for them to send me one year reflection questions to answer in this blog post. You amazing people definitely exceeded my expectations by sending in a whopping 43 questions, which I will answer now! (By no means, do I expect everyone to read all of these questions. Feel free to read at your leisure.)

Questions to answer:

When you return to America… Are you going to turn the shower head on and off while you lather and rinse?
- So, admittedly, this was probably a bit ambitious of a statement. Do I still strongly endorse the statement, “You will never understand the value of a drop of water until you have to carry it yourself.”? Yes. Yes, I do. However, when given the opportunity to shower in a hotel, I have, shamefully, just stood under the shower stream. I like to tell myself that when I get home and become accustomed to showers again that I will turn off the water when I’m not using it, but I guess only time will tell.

Hardest moment so far?
- I definitely think the lowest I felt was after Rangeela came in 2^nd at their Oak City Revolution dance competition. It was during the first 3 months at site when I didn’t feel productive (mostly due to the spotty Portuguese aspect) and seeing something that I love so much flourishing at home was a very tough moment for me. In that moment, I felt the nostalgia for the confident dancer that slayed the stage with Rangeela while I was experiencing the complete lack of confidence in my everyday interactions.

Dumbest you’ve felt while there?
- Ohhhhh goodness…. So what had happened was… The school guard has a son whose name is Audacio. Up until literally, I kid you not, 5 days ago, I thought his name was Horacio. I’ve been calling him Horacio for 6 months now. The kicker is, Audacio corrected me in February because I was calling him Agosto, first. So for those of you at home keeping track, I’ve been calling this 10 year old boy, whom I see EVERYDAY, the wrong name for 9 months now. AFTER, unfortunately to no avail, he corrected me after the first 3 months of incorrect greetings. I am so ashamed. I literally can never be mad at anyone for calling me the wrong name again. EVER.
- The only other really dumb moment that I have had was when I tried to ride a bike and fell flat on my face in front of a ton of small children. But, I’m sure I was getting a big head sometime around then. (That sounds like a John thing to do, right?) So, I’m gonna chalk that one up to god humbling me for pridefulness.

How many people have you met?
- Way too many to count. How many Mozambicans do I know on a deeper level is a question I think I could more realistically answer. People I would call real Mozambican friends by American close friend standards, I think that I have about 5.

What’s been your favorite day?
- My favorite day amongst PCV’s was the day that we were leaving Beer Olympics! So beer Olympics itself, was a pretty fun experience to relax with other PCV’s but the journey home was a day I’m certain I wont forget. The location of beer Olympics was buried deep within an expat’s macadamia nut farm about an hour off the main road and down a steep incline. On the day we were leaving it had been raining, so our ride was slow to show up and hesitant to pick us up since they believed the car would get stuck at the bottom of the hill due to the mud, which was only so bad because we had ran out of food for the day. Everyone was a little bit hangry. Finally, the truck showed up. Once everyone (about 15 other PCVs) had jumped in the back of the open back truck and we were on the way home, we started lifting our spirits by playing fishbowl and recounting the tales of the previous day’s events. Suddenly, it started raining…HARD. We all quickly hid underneath a tarp and held on for dear life. Doesn’t this sound like it should be a worst day kinda scenario? But, it wasn’t. We were all laughing the entire time. This moment of lighthearted camaraderie will be something I carry with me for a long time.
- As far as actually being a volunteer, my favorite moment so far was when Ari and I were walking from the market to the pre-school to teach on one random Wednesday morning. The kids saw us from across a soccer field and immediately started sprinting toward us screaming “Ti-Tio, Ti-Tio” (Uncle- but in the familiar, term of respect, kind of way). It was a mental snapshot moment for sure.

Are you scared of anything?
- I’m scared of a lot of things. Most notably, I’m still working on my fear of being judged as incompetent, which is probably my biggest hindrance from living life to the fullest here.

How does it feel? You’ve been gone for a year.
- In the sense of accomplishment of living in a new environment, (in the words of Clay Freeman) absolutely fantastic! The only part of my heart that is aching is the distance that I feel between my close friends back at home. I don’t feel like I know the day to day parts that I was used to. I’m learning to re-define my qualifications of how I can be a supportive friend.

How has your experience affected your dream to go into medicine? What are some specific anecdotes?
- Tl;dr response: I plan on combining the love I’ve found for work like the Peace Corps with a career in medicine, potentially with an added focus on public health.
- This is a pretty interesting question. My family would tell you that medical school has always been my goal. And, they’re not wrong. But, I’ve also toyed with the idea of pursuing other passions. Realistically, higher education and community development like what I’m doing in the Peace Corps. (Which ultimately led me to choose the Peace Corps over a spot in medical school last year.) That being said. My heart keeps bringing me back to medicine. I honestly feel like such a millennial because I want to do so many things. But, while medicine is something that is amazing on its own, it is something that can be further enriched when paired with something you’re just as passionate about. I foresee myself combining medicine with my love for college kids for a little while and then combining medicine with work similar to the Peace Corps. (Probably something more or less like Doctors without Borders)
- Specific anecdotes: When I arrived in Pebane, I saw the first person I’ve ever seen with Polio. The gravity of my privilege hit me pretty hard. I had falsely equated U.S. eradication of the disease as global eradication of the disease. I realized, then, that international medicine holds a piece of my heart; that I will return to a developing country in hopes of spreading this same service to those who don’t have as much governmental money working on their behalves. I come into contact with disease that I never have to worry about in the U.S. on a daily basis in my community here. (Did you know that malaria and a couple other diseases have been eradicated by public health efforts in the U.S. too? A Public Health focused doctor would be able to make a difference here. I think I want to be that for a community someday.
- I have several other stories that support this main idea, but, for brevity sake, I’ll save them for another time.

How has your experience enriched your acceptance and love for other cultures, and people different from yourself?
- I think that I prided myself on my acceptance of diversity. That has only continued to flourish here.

What is your favorite aspect of the culture?
- Ja Passou – “It’s over, It’s passed” – Forgiveness. I’ve never met a Mozambican that truly holds a grudge. They might be upset for a day or two tops but then it’s a clean slate.

What have you been the most surprised about from this experience?
- Honestly, despite the fact there are some crazy adventures in the PC experience, I think the most surprising aspect is just how easy it was for me to adapt to a regular, routine schedule. I was expecting everyday to be quite unlike the previous day, and that is just not the case.

What events in your life prior to the Peace Corps prepared you the most for this experience? How have they helped?
- Honestly, I have relied a lot on the small games that I used to break the ice as an Orientation Leader in a lot of my interactions with my youth groups. (Likewise, ive definitely recycled a few different dances from my time in Theta Crew or in Rangeela to teach to those kids.) I also owe a lot to OL for giving me a space to really develop my flexibility and discernment to assess and cater to each individual moment’s needs; these have probably been my two most invaluable assets.
- I think growing up in a small town definitely helped me adjust to life here. In Enterprise, if you didn’t say hi to someone you knew in Walmart, you should be prepared for world war 3. Same thing here in Pebane.

What concerns do you have for your next year?
- Realistically, deciding how to spend my time. I have a lot of things that I want to do in year two (join the community soccer league, join the traditional dance team, visit several new places), and the list only gets longer as the days go by. I think prioritizing how to spend my time is gonna be a tough decision.

What have you learned from this experience so far that you’d like the most to bring home with you?
- Recently, I’ve been allowing myself to do things that I know are not going to work out 100%. Now, while I would ideally like everything to be as successful as it can be, there are plenty of times where a program or an event is going to fall short to some degree of those expectations. And, sometimes, that’s just how life goes. For example, I was recently a judge for a primary school competition that ultimately didn’t have all of the resources it needed to be successful. But, what was most important is that the kids had a good time. The event was far from perfect and had many preventable hiccups, but I would still consider it a success. Coming from a background where I constantly pushed myself to always make things as close to perfect as possible, I find this to be a real challenge. But, I think it is something that will help me out a lot in the future.

How do the government and politics affect your life? How is it different from the US?
- I read a really great article about this which I will include the link too. I think this person adequately expresses most of my views.
- That being said, how do I make these views specific to my service? Well dear reader, I will tell you. Almost everyone that learns I’m American is going to eventually bring up Trump at some point. Following this, I get asked a whole slew of questions like why trump doesn’t like black people or Muslims. (which, I feel is pretty heavily alluded to even in international news) To which I respond, I don’t really share the views of my president on this topic. They respond, “ But, if you’re American too, how can you not hold his views?” To which I respond, “Have you liked all of the Mozambican presidents? (Thank you Alexis for that question!) Even Guebuza? (It is almost universally acknowledged that this was a bad president in Mozambique’s history because he was caught stealing a lot of money) Then, we usually can move forward with a bit of a better understanding that the President, often, doesn’t reflect the views of each individual person, and that’s okay.
- A more direct consequence of the US government is how the new presidential administration is cutting funding for several grants and projects such as Let Girls Learn. This ultimately means that there is less support for a lot of the projects that fellow Peace Corps Volunteers in my country run.

What’s been your favorite food in Mozambique?
- In Mozambique, I really love a dish called “matapa siri siri”. It’s a rice based dish served with a “sauce” made from the leaves of sweet potato, peanuts, coconut milk, and squid.
- It is delicious!

What memory have you made that you think you’ll share the most about in the future?
- It’s hard to say… Mostly in the sense that I don’t normally talk about myself to begin with. Better yet, I think it’ll depend on the environment that I’m in… but a more direct answer would probably be getting charged by an elephant or seeing a wild lion (both on a safari).

How do you cope with not having your family for two years?
- Honestly, this is one of the most difficult parts. This is the most emotionally distant that I have ever felt from my core loved ones, which is pretty tough. In perspective, I think that I’m lucky to be able to call my family on a consistent basis. I also write letters which I think helps me maintain that personal connection.

How does it feel knowing you only have a year left to tame a lion?
1. Step 1: See wild lion. Check! (Previously mentioned in Question 17)
2. Step 2: Tame said wild lion. (In progress)

As you can see from my to do list, I’m already half way there, with half of my service remaining. So, you could say I’m fairly confident!

What’s been the hardest lifestyle change/part of everyday living in Mozambique?
- Not being able to blend in. EVER. Straight up, even amongst my friends at school or in the market. I will always be the outsider. I might be a welcomed outsider, but an outsider none the less.

What’s been the most interesting thing about Mozambique? What do you wish the US had that Mozambique has?
- Love for dance. The dance friendly environment. I feel like in many American subcultures, there is not a universal love to dance. In Mozambique, nearly everyone will dance to a good beat, and, of the few that don’t dance immediately, many will dance if minorly prompted. I also love just how much they encourage and play off each other in dance.

How have your values changed?
- I think some of my core values (human connectedness, honesty, loyalty and genuineness) haven’t really changed at all. I definitely think that I don’t value material possessions as much. In fact, I think I never realized how much value I put into material things and appearance until I got here.

What aspect of your personality is the most different from before? (ex: are you more of a troll?)
- So, unfortunately for all of you people, I’m still as trifling as ever; I wouldn’t say more trifling, just the same. I feel like I am much more independent than I was. I think in the states I was constantly surrounding myself with people to do anything. But, now there are a lot of times I actively choose to go to the beach solo.

Have you gotten used to living without western technology/aid? (Used to living without easy access to water, all kinds of food, and stuff we take for granted?)
- Sure have. I still think I am a lot more privileged than I was expecting to be, but I definitely have learned how to live pretty comfortably in a less developed part of the world.

Can you talk about the growth you’ve seen in one/some of your students?
- There is one girl in my English Theater group who Ari and I cast as the lead role because we thought she was perfect for it. The group, much like Mozambican culture, is highly male dominated, so she definitely felt the initial pressure of having this role. She even asked to step down from the role after the second practice. We consoled her that she was capable of playing the role and not only that we thought she was perfect for it. She went home and learned all of her lines and came back to deliver them fantastically. But, she also expounded upon them herself. And, now, even the guys in the group that originally thought they should have been the lead are giving her props on her acting ability and confidence!

Can you send me the link to your blog?
- Yes, Sid. 😉

How much did/do you miss home? Or what is the thing that you miss the most?
- There is a three-way tie for the thing I miss the most… Peanut butter & bacon milkshake from Sonic, the entire Chick-Fil-A menu (with special attention to the cookies and cream milkshake), and my mother’s mashed potatoes.
- I think I really miss the people and the familiarity. But, I am really enjoying being in a new place. I think my momma always knew that I was gonna be a traveler.

How have you learned to make Moz home?
- I feel like my interactions with other people are what really define a “home” for me. Therefore, I owe much credit on this “home” to my host family and my PCV family. They give me a safe space to relax and feel like I’m not a representative of the entire U.S. for a moment. I feel as if I am always overflowing with laughter and positive energy when I am around them.

Are you ever coming back?
- December 2018. The better question, is how long until your next adventure? And that my dear friend, I do not know.

What advice would you give to yourself a year ago when you were struggling with the decision of going?
- Life is ever changing. Change can be a good thing. You’re only young and wild and free (even when you have wiz khalifa and snoop dog singing to you) for a little bit of your life; embrace it.

Who is your favorite person yet?
- My host brother. Nicolsee is such a gentle, innocent, and fun-loving soul. He has always helped me, put up with my constant Portuguese struggle and included me in all of his plans (except sometimes when his cool friends are around. Then, I become the lame older brother that can’t hang out with his own friends.)

What is your favorite place so far?
- As far as place in Pebane, I really love the cliff out by the beach. One side of the cliff is a gorgeous rocky beach and the other side is a picturesque white sand beach. I love walking there on days that I feel overwhelmed or frustrated. It helps me put things back in perspective. It makes me feel small again.

Can you really cook? Or is the food just edible?
- First off, ouch. Lack of faith. Secondly, you’re probably right. It’s mostly just edible to above average. Definitely not going to be the next Rachel ray.

Did you make the right choice?
- Who can honestly ever answer this type of question with 100% certainty? Do I believe, right now, that I made the right choice? Yes. Yes I do. I think that I had this adventure locked up inside of me, and I’m not sure that I was ready (am ready) to start settling down on a career path or any real concrete life decisions.

Biggest regret of something you should have done before you left? And promise me you’ll have no regrets when you leave Moz.
- Before I left, I honestly should have told more people how much they meant to me. Better yet, I should have done more individualized acts of kindness to show those people how much they meant to me.
- I can promise I’ll try.

What is your favorite part of teaching? And what is your biggest challenge teaching?
- My favorite part of teaching is making jokes the students laugh at. (Not much has changed since my OL days.)
- My biggest challenge in teaching is knowing each of my students/ keeping control of each of my students in my 100 student classrooms. It can honestly go from well-maintained to complete chaos in seconds. It also is impossible to know if everyone understands, especially since kids ridicule each other (despite my best efforts) for asking questions

What is the thing that shocked you most this past year? How has it changed you
- I think another unexpected (shocking) thing for me was how much I relied (rely) on fellow PCV’s. I think coming into Peace Corps I was very much expecting to be stationed on my own far away from all other American contact. But, I think my core group of Peace Corps friends have definitely made a place for themselves in my heart and are an essential part of this experience for me.

How easy was it to adapt to your surroundings?
- I would say it was a pretty normal experience. I can’t directly point out one particular thing that was particularly hard. The heat sucks still. It’s not my favorite thing in the world to go without electricity for a month at at time or carry water from the well. But, I don’t find it incredibly taxing anymore either.

Is there anything that you would do differently from this past year?
- Yea, I think that I would actually get Portuguese lessons from someone in my community. I think feeling more confident in Portuguese earlier would have definitely let me start initiating conversations with people sooner.

Are you excited about the time that you have left?
- Definitely! I think this will be a year where I can get some cool things accomplished, and I know a lot more people, so just walking around town is much more enjoyable.

What did you think your biggest challenge/adjustment was going to be? What was your biggest challenge/ adjustment?
- So I thought my biggest challenge was going to be leaving people behind. And while that was difficult, my biggest challenge is definitely conducting all of my everyday things in a second language that I’ve only been speaking for a little over a year now.

What are a few things you learned about yourself throughout the past year?
- I definitely know that I want to settle down eventually. Well, at least a good chunk of my life.
- I was having a conversation with a close PCV friend and we were discussing how much we were proud of the self confidence we had gained throughout this year. It’s an amazing thing to overcome self-confidence issues in your first language. It’s equally as hard/ rewarding to begin to overcome self-confidence issues starting from ground zero in your second language. So, to answer the question, I think I’ve learned more about my resilience.

How do you think it would have been if you did Peace Corps like 20 years ago when you didn’t have access to technology and internet?
- Dude, that would have been so much harder. I think they deserve a lot of bragging rights, and I’m sure that they got so close to their community after two years…. But, it would have been so much harder.