Somewhere in the Middle

December 2, 2017

“John, when someone asks you to teach them English, ask them “why do you love English?” Zakarya, a friend that has continuously challenged my way of thinking, didn’t realize he was inspiring me (yet again) when he said this. He continued by saying that there are a lot of people that want your help, but you should focus more time on the ones that are dedicated and committed to receiving the help.

This question really struck me. Right now, December 2, 2017, I am somewhere in the middle of my service. I’m over the hill, but coming home is still too distant to really be on the horizon. While I have the experience of living in Mozambique for more than a year, I still have essentially half, if not more, of the work that I came here to do left. In this moment, I turn to the question – “Why do you love it, John?” Why is this something so important to you that you are willing to sacrifice for it?

The truth. 1 year of Peace Corps down. 1 to go. I’m no longer hopeful to be completely integrated into my community. I don’t think that me teaching here is “changing the world”. I’m scared of what coming back to America is going to look like. Frankly, I’m drained; this fatigue presents itself as volatile irritability in menial conversations. Some days, I think I should wear a “Caution: Flammable” sign around my neck just to give everyone a fair warning.

But, today, despite this slump, Zakarya forced me to reflect. “Why do I love what I am doing now?” I needed this question at this moment in my time here. I needed to realign myself mentally with what I want to do with the time that I have left; I needed to prioritize how to most effectively use all the effort that I will put into this year. So, as candidly as I can be, here is my response of “Why do you love it, John?”

From the overall “Peace Corps Experience”, I am proud of the independence I have gained. I am proud of the patience, flexibility, and adaptability that I have practiced. I am proud of the resilience I have cultivated. In other words, I love that I am developing as a person.

I am invested in the community library program (a.k.a. EGRA) I am helping develop. I know that it is reaching kids that don’t have as much academic support and I can’t wait to see how much more my team and I can build it in the next year. Furthermore, I enjoy being a pre-school teacher. I love the high pitched “Tio John” scream emitted by one of my kids before they all scramble to get to me first followed by the huge group hug that happens every single time that I walk into the pre-school classroom. I love the work with children that I get to do here.

I am diligently trying to learn Moniga, the local language of my community, so I can partake more in the deep conversations in my own family’s mother tongue. I am excited to find more ways to open up to my host family as I continue to learn their stories. I love my host family.

Much to my own disappointment, I haven’t really taken advantage of the full extent of the dance community in Mozambique. I won’t leave here without at least attempting to take advantage of that otherwise it will be a GINORMOUS wasted opportunity. I also, am considering joining the community soccer league, time permitting. I love being a part of a team and being physically active.

Some of my favorite moments so far have been helping mentor my youth groups. These strong young men and women blow me away with their abilities. I really intend to invest more time pouring my heart into them. Sometimes, I see how much an older, more respected (is that even possible for me to describe myself as such?) person giving them a space to express themselves and develop ideas really impacts them. I love being a part of different youth’s narratives and getting to joke around with them.

I do love many things here. Thanks to Zakarya, I intend to re-focus the time I have left to invest into these passions more wholeheartedly.

P.S. Ari and I celebrated Hannukah for a second time this year!